Swami A Layin' It Down!

The woman I refer to as my guru is also referred to as my Swami. It's partially a joke and partially not. This 93 year old woman with dementia lives what many of aspire to...living in love. Really. There is no separation between her and this love...she IS the love. Recently she had this to say: "if you put out love to people they'll return it."
Monday she will be moved into a residential facility. As I mourn the loss of our time together, I am also happy for those people who will now inhabit her immediate orbit as I know they will be showered with the very same gifts as I. And my Swami, well, I know she will be happy wherever she lands because as she is fond of saying: "it's all on the plus side."

Enveloped in Softness

Yesterday was a bit of a hard day...and then I came home to a cold, dark, empty of humans house. Suffice it to say that I wasn't feeling like the happiest camper. However, I found deep comfort when I crawled into bed with a cashmere covered pillow a dear friend made for me, a cashmere covered hot water bottle my sweetie gave me and then my boy catlove, Simon, climbed onto my chest and began purring like a madman. Things improved after that!!!

And I quote

The one and only board member of the slower life movement had this to say today:
"Ambition and productivity are over-rated."
Say no more!!!

My Guru!

Is my swimmy headed 93 year old friend. Every dang time I am with her she is spewing out heart-full profundities. The most recent was: "love one another and work together." As she says this, it is clear that she has lived it and knows it to be true through and through.

sheer positivity

The delight in hanging out with my wifty headed elderly friend is that she sees the positive in EVERYTHING. And I do mean everything. Yesterday, it was a rainy, darkly clouded day and as we made our way outside she pointed to a place in the sky that was slightly less dark then the rest and said: "see, the sun is trying to come out over there!"
Yesterday she was very gently feeling the feathers on a barn owl wing and exclaimed: "that feels luxurious!"
I just love her.

Spiritual Flunkie!

Here in northern CA. there is EVERY variety of spirituality you could imagine and then some!
Most everyone is "on a path" of some sort or other and I find what I call a spiritual elitism prevails...people, consciously or not, vying to be more evolved, more spiritual, more enlightened...
sometimes I wish I lived in a place where people didn't wear their spirituality so overtly and were good, kind, compassionate, giving people just because...guess it's the Midwesterner in me.
So, with all this pressure and my clear lack of spiritual advancement, I decided that I am a spiritual flunkie...which is kind of a relief, really. That way I can cuss, think negative thoughts, devote myself to nothing all that important, eat gluten and chocolate and not feel guilty!

What If?

What if each being we encounter we consciously acknowledge the Holy in them?
Imagine that...

Dr. In the House!

My dad was an optometrist in downtown Kansas City for 55 years. As age and health got the better of him, he reluctantly went from full to part time working hours. It was a big adjustment and one he could never fully wrap around. Then he went to one day a week which was harder still. The man is like a working dog...much, much happier when he is doing his job. So, when he had to retire completely, he was not a happy camper. He just didn't know what to do with himself and to top things off his body was declining.
It has been hard for him to move around much so subsequently he stays home much of the time and either naps or watches tv. Soon, he and my mom will be moving to a retirement community. The day we went to see the facility the woman who was their marketing/pr person greeted my dad enthusiastically and reminded him that he had been her first eye doctor when she was still in high school!!!
Recently someone mentioned to my dad that he could set up shop in his new digs and adjust peoples glasses for them. He perked right up at the idea and is definitely hanging onto all his tools as he and mom sort through their belongings while deciding what to take to their new home. It was a strong reminder that no matter how old or infirmed, we all to need to feel like we can still contribute.

Mr Exuberance!

very hot day....swimming pool....large black lab named modi...tennis ball
Yer already rollin' with the story, right?
Modi was the happiest boy in the world that afternoon. He'd bring the ball to his person and turn right around and run a few feet before absolutely launching himself into the pool with a happy belly flop...then paddling off for his ball. i watched him do this for at least 20 rounds and each time he seemed as happy or happier than the time before! I could feel my heart grow lighter and lighter as I watched, thinking Modi was an excellent role model for being in the present moment.

Croakin' Comfort

While I appreciate all the virtues of midwestern suburbs, it can be challenging to find signs of Life in the ways I am accustomed to them here in northern Ca. So, it was a big relief when I returned and heard the coyotes singing in the middle of the night and woke up to the sound of a frog in my bathroom croakin' its morning croak...

Can We Get an Amen?!

"There is no spectacle on earth more appealing than that of a beautiful woman in the act of cooking dinner for someone she loves."
Thomas Wolfe
From a cookbook called: Memories Good Enough To Eat
circa 1970

Passover Pantomime!

One of today's favorite activities was to guess Passover's plagues by pantomime. A good jew would already know said plagues but this bad jew could only name a couple off the top.

My second favorite activity was while waiting for a prescription to be filled at CVS my mom and I got horizontal in their store model electric recliners. Coulda had ourselves a little nappy, for sure.

Potty Mouth!

By default I have become the official "caller" at the senior bingo game on thursday afternoons.
Despite how easy the job may appear, it can actually be challenging given the bingo players and the seriousness with which they take the game. I sometimes feel a little intimidated and try hard not to make mistakes when I call. However, I can get bored and lose my focus on occasion. When that happens and I do make mistakes they are on it in a heartbeat. My consistent response is to say: shit! It makes them giggle (phew) and I tell them I can't help myself as my mother cusses like a sailor. This last Thursday one woman suggested an alternative to the 'S' word which was meadow muffin!!!  Cracked me right up. So, I have been practicing using it but it sure doesn't pack the same punch as the 'S' word!

Imagine This!!!

Wearing thong underwear over a pair of depends...

Hard To Be A Human Day

Unbeknownst to me there was a quail in my inner yard hanging out all by itself. I accidently scared him and as he tried to fly away through the wire fence he caught a body part and fell to the ground. Half a second later a small hawk flew over, watched the quail for maybe 15 seconds and then promptly swooped down and grabbed it with her talons and flew off. Perhaps the quail had known the hawk was around and was hiding in my yard...
Regardless, it sucks knowing I was part of its death.

Tis the Season!

To keep your car doors locked as there are many a person lurking in the shadows waiting for an unsuspecting human who may leave their windows down just enough or who don't bother to lock the car on a quick errand and shazam...that poor person gets zucchini'd!!! Don't say I didn't warn ya :)

Rainbow Alert!

One of the gals at the senior center today was telling us about having seen an amazing rainbow yesterday evening. She got all lit up describing it, the light it cast, how beauty-full it was. Then she went on to describe the one and only moonbow she'd ever seen. From that conversation we all decided that along with sirens which alert us to all variety of natural disasters that we would equally love to have "beauty alarms" that alert us to all variety of natural beauty like rainbows and moonbows :)))

Death Soiree: casket decorating

This weekend a group of 7 women got together and decorated a cardboard casket. It was part of an ongoing series of Death Soirees.

Cow Fashion?

My almost 5 year old little buddy, Don and I were hangin' around the cows this evening. In a very matter of fact way he said to one of the cows: "I like your shoes!!!"

Gal Pals!

These are my two friends, Ann and Harveylee visiting at the Occidental Farmers Market.
Ann is 93 and Harveylee recently turned 94. I love them both dearly and was happy to watch them gabbing away like old friends though this was their first time really getting to hang out together.

Quote of the Day

There's someone out there who needs you. Live your life so they can find you.
---Balinese dancer

Morgan

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

Before You Die

For the first time ever I got to smell a tuber rose.
Lordy mercy!!! You ever smelled one?
Outta this world...some kinda lovely...transports ya right to a tropical vacation.

Elvis Was Constipated?!

My friend, Dean is in the know about lifes' important matters because she reads People Magazine. She recently informed me that Elvis died of a heart attack which I did not know, did you? But he had the heart attack because he was, you know, constipated...he was a drug addict and all...and was trying a little too hard to make himself go and bam...dead. I can't believe I lived 50 whole years without knowing this.

Well, I never...

Last night at the Occidental Farmers Market I was visiting with my friend HarveyLee. For those of you unfamiliar with this blog and it's characters, HarveyLee (HL) is my 93 year old friend that lives in Waco, Texas half the year and here the other half. But she was born and raised in Texas and most definitely has that kind of sensibility, shall we say! Last night she was deep in the heart of story telling when she suddenly stopped and said in a very drawn out, southern kind of way: "mercy." I knew by the way she was saying it that I needed to look exactly where she was looking which I did...and saw a SERIOUS case of plumbers butt. (in case you don't know what plumbers butt is...well, it's when someone bends over at the waist and you can see their butt crack) In this, case you could see a good portion of said crack. We both were bent over double laughing and when that stopped I looked over at HL and she was just shakin' her head in disbelief.

Oh, Dad!!

My brother just relayed this story about our dad and it is SOOOOOOO quintessentially dad.
He had accidentally dropped one of his nightly pills on the floor and couldn't find it. Instead of asking for help he took another of the same pills out of the container and intentionally dropped it on the floor thinking that would lead him to the first pill! Well, it ends up that he did find one of the pills on the floor but couldn't find the second...until somehow he noticed that it was squished on the bottom of his shoe!!!

All These Years

The other day I was giving my 93 year old friend a mani. While I was trimming her fingernails she said: "I've had these nails for 93 years." While I know that she hasn't had those EXACT nails the whole time it struck me in that moment how our body parts are as old as we are. Seems obvious, I know. But when you really stop and think about the fact that she has a 93 year old liver or ankle or vertebrae or heart...it's mind blowing. I mean really...a 93 year old liver. Are you picking up what I'm puttin' down?!!!

End of Life Reflections

My hospice client and I had plenty of conversations about God, dying, death and possible afterlife. We'd regularly wandered through that territory together and even had some pretty good laughs during this exploration. Recently, as she was ready to slip out of consciousness but still barely able to speak. I asked her if she was ready? She whispered that she was and that she'd been talking with God...and that she realized "you can"t boss God around!" She followed this up with a smile and I, too, had to laugh. What a hilarious end of life conclusion.

Two Funny Fellas

My 89 year old dad has a lifelong history of getting names wrong...even those of his wife (at the altar...oops) and of his children. Nowadays when I call, I begin the conversation by identifying myself to save him the exercise of having to scan his brain for the correct name!!! In addition to getting names wrong, he is also really gifted at saying a word that is very close to the one he actually means but is just enough off to be funny. In our conversation yesterday he kept referring to that outdated address book called a rolodex as a rolex and I just couldn't bring myself to tell him any different...or that I wasn't sure I knew anyone but him that still used one!!!
****************************************************************

My 4.5 year old buddy was over visiting yesterday. I was watering the garden and Don came over with a pair of scissors and begin "cutting" the water. As if there were no question whatsoever he said: "look, the scissors are cutting the water."

Bingo Today!

I sit next to a firecracker of a gal at bingo. She is 92 and has a very dry sense of humor along with a hot temper...short in the patience department. I could tell she was getting frustrated several times today. I'd look at her and she was wearing a particular look on her face which let me know she was irked. I'd just smile back and pet her on the back. One such time she said: "I probably shouldn't have come today. I'm not feeling very patient." With a completely straight face I asked her if she was having her period. It took only a milisecond to register and then we both busted up!!!

Lizard Sleepover!

Yesterday evening I noticed a smallish lizard resting on the passenger pillow on my bed. I sat and visited with her for a bit and then went on with my bidness. When I got into bed last night I was flurffing my pillows to get them just right and I saw my new lizard friend tucked into the crevice between my pillows. That is where she spent the night and is, at this very moment, still hanging out. It is at times like this that I am filled with gratitude for the life I get to have...one that allows the time and space to notice and be with experiences just like this!

When Food Is Love

It's All Relative

A gal at bingo just celebrated her 92nd birthday! She was telling me how someone had made her day by guessing that she was ONLY in her 80's!!!

Senior Drama!

There is one gal at senior bingo that I am just smitten with (no, not in the romantical sense)
But in the way my heart just loves her so easily and genuinely. Sometimes she will blow me a kiss goodbye and I just melt ;) She is always very well coiffed and her demeanor is markedly feminine. She's demure and doesn't like to take up too much attention. So today, when she was coughing a very delicate and ladylike cough, someone asked her if she was ok. She responded by saying: "no, I think I'm dying!!!" and then proceeded to bust up. I about fell outta my chair I was laughing so hard.

What?!!

Good Morning!

This time of year makes waking up at my cabin particularly yummy. Not only are my feline friends snuggled in with me but the sun is at the perfect angle to shine directly on my face as I lay in the bed AND the heavenly scent of the blooming jasmine outside my bedroom window (see photo) washes over my half asleep self.
It's pretty hard to find a reason to get outta the bed!

The Way It Is

There's a thread you follow.
It goes among things that change.
But it doesn't change.
People wonder about what you are pursuing.
You have to explain the thread.
But it is hard for others to see.
While you hold it you can't get lost.
Tragedies happen, people get hurt or die, and you suffer and get old.
Nothing you do can stop this unfolding.
You don't ever let go of the thread.

William Stafford

Eclipse Eyes!

A group of us were "watching" the eclipse together yesterday. One someone said that you could look at it VERY BRIEFLY w/o it hurting your eyes. So, I did it. I looked. Afterwards, when I shut my eyes I could see the image of the eclipse on the back of my eyelids. It was kinda cool and kinda scary, both!

Daisy

Daisy Doodle Berry: February 14, 1997 - May 12, 2012

Daisy was one of my favorite dog friends. She passed this last week. I love/loved that girl a lot.

This footage is from just a few months ago. She and her person came to the ceramics studio so that Daisy could "paint" a plate. Back in the day Daisy had an amazing tail...the envy of many an Aussie! However, after she was thoroughly shorn one time, the long fur on her tail never grew back. Much to her chagrin she had an almost naked tail like that of a rat!
Daisy didn't love having her rat tail messed with during our glazing session but, true to character, she was a GREAT sport and as you will see, wagged almost enthusiastically!

You might want to turn the volume down as the camera operator didn't realize the video picked up her voice and she is pretty loud.

La Quinta

The Oldsters

I spend most of Thursday at The Senior Center. Yesterday as I was leaving I said to one of my favorite old fellas that I would see him next week. He replied: "if I'm alive." That, of course, cracked me up. The two women sitting nearby who overheard the comment nodded enthusiastically in agreement.
Death is regularly on their conscious minds. Even if their physical death does not appear to be imminent, they still are wrangling with the reality that they are likely going to die sooner than later. I feel a great deal of compassion for them and I wonder what that must be like...

Old Fashioned

Today I drove past an adolescent who was lying on his back at the park reading a book. I was actually struck by the image as it is one I don't see that often anymore. Most kids are plugged in or on cell phones or both. Got me to ponder what is lost and what is gained with technology.

Gonna Be A Millionaire!

Tonight my brother and I came up with the idea of making artisan life alert necklaces after my mom was complaining about the drab color of both the cord and the device itself. I think it could be a lucrative niche market.
And just remember that it would be very BAD karma to steal this idea!

OCD

My mom, who claims to come by her "OCD" genetically, was preachin' on the gospel of drinkin' wine to help her condition!!!

"Notable" Bumper Stickers

Spread the word, not gossip.

Back the Badge

Jesus Christ is Lord
Not a Cussword

One of the values of road trips is seeing noteworthy bumper stickers and church signs!

Lucky Duck

Yesterday I awoke to a very quiet morning round here...so quiet that at about 100ft. away I could hear the cows ripping the grass up and chewing, chewing, chewing. That there is a soothing sound. Then when I was having my morning pee I happened to glance into the woods behind my cabin and there was a coyote no more than 30ft. away (separated by a 8 ft. deer fence) She was ah itchin' and ah scratchin' sumthin' fierce. Seems like she'd just get settled in for a rest and then have to scratch the hell outta some body part. Eventually though, she found a good nappin' spot at the base of an oak with the sun shinin' upon her beauty-full , wily self.

Then this a.m. I awoke to both the smells of a medicinal broth I had put in the crock pot last night that cooked throughout the night and the blooming jasmine just outside my bedroom window. I lay in the bed with the sun shinin' on my face and felt crazy lucky.

Hair Dilemma

A male acquaintance recently offered to cut my hair. Inside I was thinking: "yes, a gay guy wants to cut my hair." It's like a gay fella saying he has some interior design tips...it does not get any more fabby than that. So, imagine my surprise (and dilemma) when I found out the man is NOT GAY. Oy. I am once again leaning towards cutting it all off. If I wasn't scared of looking like a Q-tip I would do it in a heartbeat!

Out of the Mouths of Young, Handsome Men!

On Wednesday mornings I volunteer at the Occidental Arts and Ecology Center in the gardens. There are a group of "regulars" that come weekly and then usually a fair amount of people that show up less regularly. One of the things I love about going is that it tends to draw a younger crowd (20's and 30's) who are, in general, doing interesting things and are excited about making change in the world. Yesterday I was working with a young, handsome man. He was inquiring about my name. I told him I received that name when I was in high school. His response: "Wow, you've had that name a long time." All I said was "ouch" and he immediately started back pedaling, trying to explain what he REALLY meant! We both had a good laugh!

Out of the Mouth of Kidlets!

My little buddy, Don, was over visiting yesterday. It was a warm day so he was shoeless. He was wanting to step down off the porch and go into the yard. But, he said one of the paths was pokey and the other dirty (there was potting soil where he would have had to step and he does NOT like to get dirty)
I didn't say anything and just let him figure out what to do. He turned around and decided to go back in my house and as he did so he said as much to himself as to me: "I'm a drama queen.!!!"

Death and Dying

I just completed a two day workshop with an organization called Final Passages out of Sebastopol, CA.
We addressed many different aspects of our death and dying...like home funerals, green burials, taking care of the body after death, etc. It was incredibly interesting and really opened up worlds of possibility about how we can be in charge of our own end of life care...and how beauty-full and creative it can all be. It makes me look forward to something that before had felt so scary and unfamiliar. And that's part of the point...to reclaim this process...and how doing so speaks to wholeness...and how it changes the grieving process...and so much more. One of my favorite activities was decorating a cardboard casket. We all quietly and with great focus spent about half an hour making art on this casket while remembering a loved one of our own that had passed. I could go on and on...
I sure hope no one I know and love dies any time soon but if they do I am going to have a completely different experience of that journey. One I actually look forward to instead of fear and dread.
Check them out at: www.finalpassages.org

Lucy the Artist!

My new ceramics project entails recruiting friends' dogs (along with their person) to come to the studio and glaze my plates. In theory, said tail is dipped in glaze while dog's person is at the front of their pooch acting as head cheerleader and I am at the other end strategically placing the plate in optimal glazing position! Last night Lucy, pictured above, was the artist. She has a great tail for glazing...very brush like...but instead of using it like a brush, she instead chose a unique method of sitting on the plates while 3 humans foolishly tried to get her to wag!!! Below you will see a photo of Lucy's work.

If you live nearby and would like your dog to give it a whirl (tail required!), just give a shout.

Realization

Today, seemingly out of the blue, I realized that REALLY there is no difference between life and death. Mostly we hold them as opposites...but really they are the same. Somewhere in me I had known that but today I got to "understand" it on a much deeper level.

Aries Women...

My Aries friend referred to my attraction to Aries women as: "astrological magnetism!!!"

Go Speed Racer

One of my favorite people who goes to senior bingo is an 88 year old woman who has a pretty hard time moving her body around. She can still walk, but very slowly and with the aid of a walker. After lunch today she needed to get across the room for the bingo game. Instead of making her get up and schlep over, the 19 year old kind hearted fella who calls the bingo came came behind her and told her to lift her feet off the ground. He then slid her still in her chair over to her bingo table. Upon arrival she said: "I haven't moved that fast in years.!!!"

Reincarnation

My mom and I were having a conversation the other day in which she mentioned the idea of reincarnation...she wasn't sure she believed in it but in case there was such a thing, she wanted to come back as a husband!!!

Congruence

I am of the opinion that there are lots more congruent events happening in our lives than we know how to pay attention to...and it sure is nice when we can and do notice them.
I was wanting to purchase a flower essence from a company that sells hundreds and I couldn't figure out how to hone in on the one I needed. So, when I went to sleep that night I asked for my dreams to help guide me to it/them. Sure enough, I dreamt about Ireland. The next day I went to the section of their repertory that listed their Irish essences and just perused the titles...and knew the exact one the second I read its name!

Amazing Animal Day

Yesterday morning I heard a coyote yipping and yipping and yipping. So , I went outside to check things out. I found the coyote in my binoculars and just watched. It was an entertaining sight as she was marching around the pasture, throwing her head up and yipping away for a good long time. And then suddenly I saw the cows running after the coyote! All the girls plus their adolescent children were driving the coyote off...of what I 'm not sure because they have no newborns at this time. But, the girls would all run in one direction and then the coyote would switch sides and as if doing synchronized cow dancing they would all turn direction again and head for the coyote. I guess the coyote ultimately gave up...that is until this eve when I saw the same dynamic only this time there appeared to be two coyotes. I didn't have my binocs on me so I couldn't see details. This dance didn't last as long though it could have been going on for some time without me noticing. Those coyote critters sure are beautiful. Speaking of, on my way home late yesterday afternoon driving through quasi rural areas, I saw a bobcat. I did the proverbial double take and assessed the traffic situation in a heartbeat then veered over on the shoulder and flew out of the car, binoculars in hand! I only got to look at her for maybe a minute or so but my oh my, what a gorgeous creature.
I feel so grateful to live where I do...that I get to see so many "wild" animals in a day. In addition to the coyote and bobcat sighted yesterday, I also got to see white pelicans, egrits, wild turkeys, deer, lots of hawks and a loon. Made my happiness factor shoot straight up!

A Cute Little Visitor

Last night our friend, Nube,  (pictured above) had a sleepover at our house. She's as sweet as she looks and wants nothing more than to spread the love (well, treats are a close second!) So, she was a wee bit taken aback when the first individual she "met" upon her arrival was Liza, my bad ass girl cat. If given a choice Liza would really prefer to be the one and only animal in my world. She has never taken a liking to any other animal as Simon, my boy cat can verify! Even when she moved into my house that I shared with my then cat, Willy, she had an ongoing pissy attitude with him as well and it was HIS house. Anyway, when Nube walked in she had something to say! Puffed up and hissing, she let Nube know not to take one tiny little step closer or else! Fortunately, Nube was all too happy to oblige and didn't even want to look in Liza's direction! Simon bolted behind the lazy girl and just watched. Before coming to live with us, Simon lived with and loved his dog, Jasper...used to hug him, bump him and curl up right next to him for sleep! But since then Simon hasn't made any other dog friends. However as the night wore on he kept getting closer and closer to Nube while revving up his motor. It sure seemed like he wanted to be friends but he just had that little bit of hesitation. Nube was perfectly polite and tried not to look too hard at Simon cuz it seemed like she knew it would scare him off. The night went well with Nube sleeping in her bed in the main room and the cats in the bed with me. Nube's person said she loves to snuggle in the bed but I knew if I brought her onto the bed I may as well have moved into the doghouse!!!
This morning brought more ease for everyone (well, as much ease as my girl is capable of anyway!) Simon and Nube touched noses and hung out on the porch sunning themselves. I do think that if Nube stayed here longer the two of them would have struck up a friendship. But, her mom missed her terribly and she had to go home late this morning.
Liza was a happy camper!

A Beating Heart

I borrowed a stethoscope from a friend because I wanted to listen to my own heart beat. It's one thing to intellectually know that our hearts are ah pumpin' 24/7 but it's an altogether different experience to actually hear it beating. Tripezoid! It's also very soothing to listen to...I think that if I was a person who had trouble falling asleep I would try and put myself to sleep by listening to my very own heart beating. Once again, I am appreciative of and awed by all the elements that go into keeping a body functioning properly. What a dang miracle.
Then I wanted to listen to my cats' hearts beating but all I could hear was very loud purring!

Sometimes I Marvel

at just how backwards we humans still are. In an article about the changing role our animal companions play in divorce settlements I learned the following: pets are considered property in every state in the country. It goes on to say that for years, they have been divvied up like furniture during divorce proceedings. But, the article says, times are changing.
"Judges are viewing them more akin to children than dining room sets. They are recognizing that people have an emotional attachment to their animals."
Really?!!!

Inspired First Pee!

Have you all ever had the following experience?
When you pee for the first time in the morning...or i guess any time, really...for me it's the first pee perhaps b/c not too much else is crowding my brain, yet. anyways, there you are and...well, it's sometimes just a profound sense of gratitude that washes over me as i review all that it takes for my body to be able to pee...you know, that there are SO MANY body parts in good working order (even on days when i wake and feel like there are lots that aren't!!!) and what a blessing it is that i can simply pee.
Maybe i'm alone in this particular wellspring of gratitude but i hope not!

Spring Fun

One of the things I enjoy most about the beginning of the spring flower blooms is taking my magnifying glass and using it to look at the inside of the blossoms. Have you ever done that? It changed my life the first time I tried it. There's a whole other world inside a flower...delicate, intricate, beauty-full beyond words.
Try it and let me know!

Communication...

Yesterday I was telling my cat, Simon, that I missed him sleeping under the covers with me. He has either slept on his spot at the foot of the bed or in the loft for the last couple months.
Last night as I got in bed Simon was asleep on his spot. When I turned the light out I felt him climb over me and then ask to get under the covers!!! We both fell asleep purring :)

P.S. The next night Simon crawled under the covers but this time he had just come in from being out in the pouring rain. Good thing I love that boy so much cuz that was some kinda cold!!!

My 98 year old friend, Helen

She passed this afternoon

The Tooth Fairy

Inflation?
I hear the tooth fairy is now giving kids 5 bucks per tooth. I'm gonna start yankin' mine out. I like soft food!
My cousin was dismayed at the going rate so decided on what I think is a creative solution. For each tooth she gives her daughter a coin from another country.

Bad But Funny!

Today a friend and I were talking about our sorry dating situations...you know how you do with friends. And somewhere in the mix she drops this line: "Beauty is just a lightswitch away!"
That just got me so tickled.

Change Oh Seasons

Happy Spring Everyone!

Timing

Today I had that experience of oddly "favorable" timing.
As I was driving home I passed a dead squirrel on the other side of the road. I didn't remember seeing it earlier as I'd passed so I figured it hadn't been dead that long. At first I drove past it but very quickly decided to turn around and move it off the road. It was still warm and its little body very pliable so it was indeed, very newly deceased. I moved it and petted on it a little bit then went on my way. A short distance away was a live dog in the middle of the road (and I had to wonder if I'd not stopped for that squirrel at all or conversely had I not stayed with it for the exact amount of time I had would I have still come across the dog?...I can never know) It was an approx. 75lb. male malamute....a very handsome guy but also scared. He would bark, wag his tail then come a wee bit closer and repeat the process. He wanted to connect but his fear was getting the better of him. He got close enough to give me sniffs on my hands but then would back off. After a few minutes a guy in a pick-up truck stopped to help. He was a sturdy lookin' fella who was willing to share his lunch with our four legged buddy. That won him some big points and the ability to put the leash that I carry in my car for just such occasions on him. Once the leash was on, the guy left and I started walking the dog to the first closest house. It was clearly not the dog's house. So, I walked him back to my car and got out some dog snacks which I covered in ETS Plus for animals. Mr. Malamute soon started to relax and let me scruffle his furs without appearing nervous. We stood there for a few minutes while I plied him with the medicine and treats. At some seemingly random moment I decided I was going to walk Mr. M to another house to see if it was his. We'd gotten only a few feet away from the car when a truck coming from the other direction stopped. It had those kind of windows you can't see in which always make me nervous. Anyways, this dude rolled it down and said in a very dead pan way: "that's my dog." A woman came around from the passenger side and I said to her: "he doesn't have any tags." She launched into some story about Mr. M's lost tag and how he escapes...blah, blah, blah.
It all happened so fast. She thanked me as did the man. Then the window went up and they were off. And I was glad that Mr. M got to have some essences so he could know how it felt to not be quite as scared.
And I also reflected on the timing again. Had Mr. M and I still been beside my car, the "owners" wouldn't have been able to see us and the story would have ended quite differently. In some ways I wish it had as I didn't like giving him back to those people. But, it forced me to trust the outcome despite what I think might be best...

Celebrate Diversity?

A friend and I like to tweek that saying so it's a little more honest!

Celebrate Some (but not all) Diversity!!!

You can borrow it if you like.

EMF's

Sometimes, possibly even often, we underestimate the potency of EMF's.
If you happen to be "a sensitive" like myself, then you are likely more susceptible to their ill effects.
I just wanted to let people know about a couple essences that I've found useful in protecting myself. One is called Golden Armor and can be gotten from a company called Green Hope Farm in Meridan, New Hampshire (greenhopeessences.com) The second is called Yarrow Special Formula and is made by The Flower Essence Society (www.floweressencesociety.org)
Maybe they would be helpful for you and/or your pets as well.

Some Days

i am just not that fond of the human species...

Northern California!

West Sonoma County is a mecca for all things left of left, new age, hippied, liberal etc. You get the picture.
Today I learned about polyamorous potlucks!!!

Dorothy, we are NOT in Kansas anymore!

You Do The Math!

A friend was doing a rough estimate yesterday of how much money she has saved over the last 25 years by not buying underwear, bras or getting her hair cut!!!
Her poor mother!

The Three Stooges

Rick, Newt and Mitt!
And should they fail to entertain us, then there's Rush.
Yawn!

I Love Occidental

Yesterday I attended the memorial for a local man named Ranger Rick who might be called the de-facto mayor (a vacancy formed when the previous mayor, a rooster, met his premature demise...case still unsolved!), sage, town greener, town drunk, tourist greeter (and repeller!)  depending on who you asked. I was most moved by how Occidental took care of an individual who, in different circumstances, would have most likely ended up behind bars, in a looney house or in rehab. Instead, a local resident gave him a place to live and the town Chamber of Commerce gave him a paid job to keep the town clean. He was friend to and befriended by many. Somehow, in this tapestry of Occidentalites, Rick was woven into the bandwidth of quirky birds and eccentrics...revered for his refusal to live a life of compromise, honored for his spiritual insight and sensitive nature, appreciated for his hard work, given kudos for his generosity.
As I looked around yesterday at my community, I felt a deep and genuine appreciation for our capacity to include and take care of each other...so beauty-full...and I felt at home.

Another Art Car?

Though I no longer have an official "art" car,  I can't help but decorate my current ride! Perhaps just the beginning...

Dr.'s In The House!

My two personal purrologists are on call 24/7 for me as I am for them. So, today as I lay in the bed feeling puny as all get out from the flu, they both ultimately landed on my chest. First on the scene was Dr. Liza, happy as ever to be near or on my body both in sickness and in health (she takes her oath very seriously) As she contentedly lay curled up on my right chest, Dr. Simon popped up on the bed and decided to add a second opinion! Now, for those of you unfamiliar with the feline dynamics here, let me just say that ANYTIME, and I do mean ANYTIME Liza has an opportunity to smack Simon, she most certainly does! He's gotten used to it and knows how to both dodge her punches or just not get within striking range!
Today though, perhaps due to his responsibilities as one of my personal physicians, he climbed up on my chest right next to Liza. She gave him a couple serious hisses, but I had ahold of her paws so she couldn't swat him! And to her credit she didn't get up in a huff and leave. Simon parked on the left side of my chest and began administering his purring meds! At first the two of them most definitely were NOT touching. But as time wore on and Liza, in particular, got more relaxed, they actually did slightly touch :) And there we lay in a little cozy pile, me feeling so grateful for such easy, restorative companionship. After a time Dr. Liza did find it necessary to go which then gave Dr. Simon the space to rearrange himself and park in the center of my chest tucked under my chin!!!

Morgan

Self Portrait: Morgan


Today it is two years since the time that our beloved Morgan abruptly shed this form...
and I can't help but feel now that as we were saying goodbye, someone(s) else was saying hello...to an amazing, radiant spirit

As any of us who have suddenly "lost" someone near and dear to our hearts do, I have reflected a LOT on life and death. I have nothing profound to say or any concrete conclusions as a result! Mostly it seems that my perceptions, understandings, circle of compassion and relations to all that is have grown bigger...and I am grateful for that, indeed.

Because her death was sudden and seemingly out of the blue, I live with a lingering low level "anxiousness"...a feeling that things could shift very suddenly and without warning and as a result, I need to hurry up...I'm aware of a place inside that has a hard time settling into itself. I'm guessing that place existed prior to Morgan's passing but got exascerbated by the nature of her death.

Thankfully the crushing, severe, heart wrenching pain I experienced for about a year subsided...otherwise I'd have experienced a "premature" demise! (see below)
The missing is still daily, but quieter mostly. There are some crumbling cries but they are a lot fewer. I hate that she's not in this form anymore. Hate it...it's lonesome without her.
My life...and Life Itself is being re-woven slowly...
and I perservere in my attempts to build relationship with Morgan now.

I think words matter hugely.
And so I have wrangled with something that was so often said in regard to Morgan's passing: that she died "prematurely." To be all the way honest, I'm not sure there is such a thing. And I also think that view reflects our inability to comprehend the bigness of existence. How could we possibly know? Yes, the loss was devastating, heartbreaking, painfully consuming...absolutely.
And yet there is something inside me that in its wholeness knows wholeness and so the term "premature" has no relevance.

I slept with her ashes next to my head last night
and I dreamt of receiving all kinds of support.

Miracles...

A friend has been dealing with life threatening cancer alongside a rare genetic disorder for over twenty years. She's outlived her prognosis by a long, long shot. Today in her blog she wrote:
"There have been so many death defying miracles in my long life. It is sometimes hard to remember that at some point death will be the miracle."

From Gangaji:

"Let us suspend what we know.

Let's not know the correct answer.

Let's not have it be wrong to feel a particular way. Let's take our conversation out of the realm of evaluation - right or wrong

Then it is possible to have a real conversation.

With a willingness to investigate in an open way, for the first time, we can freshly discover what is here."

Goal Setting

For those of you that know me personally, you know that setting goals isn't necessarily one of my strong suits! So, I just want to go on record as saying that I have a new goal. Before I die, I'd like to go to clown school. There, I said it.

My Front Porch

photo by: Gina Kelly

4 Year Old's Perspective

My four year old friend, Don, declared tonight with a very serious face on:
"you can't chew ice cream because it's wet!"

The Seven Dwarves of Menopause

Itchy, Bitchy, Sweaty, Sleepy, Bloated, Forgetful and Psycho!
Just fyi, I didn't make these up. A friend sent them my way ;)
I think I would exchange itchy for snarky myself!!!

The Rapture

I saw a new favorite bumper sticker that read:
come the rapture, can I have your car?
but I think there could be plenty of nouns one could insert in place of a car...
for instance: house, animal, wife, money, etc.!!!
I got to go look up the fellar that wrongly predicted The Rapture a number of times and see what the holy forecast is these days. I'll get back to you on this!

Bingo Addendum!

So, the week after the near riot during bingo I heard someone say: "that's HIM, the guy that played the NEW game." It was said in a conspiratorial tone laden with all kinds of meaning!!!

Shorty!

As I was waiting in a check out line I could both sense and see in my peripheral vision a big person walking up behind me. Next thing I know, I hear the guy say: "what's up, shorty?" I just started cracking up and it took me a minute to reply in any coherent way. Finally, I said: "not too many people can call me that." We both grinned a tall person's grin. He was 6'5" and sturdy looking...like the marlborough man!! I felt small and dainty next to him which is something I don't often feel in this body!

Buzz Oh Rama!

Todays event at the Senior Center was a chocolate tasting! Approximately 20 different chocolates from local artisans were available to sample along with 3 different kinds of champagne! After eating an entire plate of chocolates, my swimmy-headed 92 y.o. cohort wanted to eat MORE! I politely mentioned that she had just eaten more than the average bear might eat in one sitting. She was shocked and sure I was making it up. My suggestion to take the remainder home to her daughter was met with slight indignation but ultimately she surrendered to that plan. On the drive home we were talking about the event and when I again mentioned that she ate an entire plate of chocolates, she responded this time with: "oh my goodness, I hope I don't get pimples!!!"

Attending

I had the amazing gift of getting to sit with a person I did not know as she was in the process of dying in a hospital. It's part of a beauty-full program called No One Dies Alone. Volunteers sit vigil with the person during their journey out of the body.

My "shift" was from 3-6 a.m.
The drive to the hospital began the ethereal nature of the experience as it was extremely foggy...so much so that it was hard to see where I was going. Completely appropriate. Helped open and shape the holding I was about to undertake.
Once there, I sat quietly and did my best to attune to the person's energy...which was essentially what I did for the 3 hours...just tried to stay present and hold as big a space as possible...praying for her and her family...inviting relevant and benevolent energies to be with her...sending lots of love...listening to her breathing...feeling awed by the mystery of the dying process and the surrender inherent in not knowing...finding great comfort in that which permeates all of existence - body or no body.

time passed quickly...
i didn't feel particularly sad...but deeply content to share that space with another being...at home, actually.
and as I left the hospital I looked up to see a big, amazing moon shining down.

Spider and Mouse

O.K, this was a trippy thing that just happened.
A little spider appeared on the top of my open laptop...on the frame just above the screen. Just for fun, I moved the mouse/arrow just below where it was perched thinking it couldn't possibly see something on the screen. But to my complete and total surprise it SAW the arrow and actually went right towards it. I was completely shocked. So, I dragged the arrow a little ways down the screen and the spider followed. I swear! So, I kept making the arrow move and the spider followed everywhere it went and when the arrow got close enough, little spidey lunged as if were trying to capture prey. For some reason I was dumbfounded. So, then I started playing with spidey and made the arrow sneak up behind her and when she discovered it she jumped, quickly turned to face it and went after it again!
Right now she's on the outside of the computer just hanging out.
What a lucky and delight-full experience to have plopped right here in my world ;)

Senior Bingo!

The first time I took my elderly gal pal to the Senior Center for bingo I was surprised by how very serious folks were about the game. I'd imagined a benign, good-natured game. But, I'll tell you what, those oldsters  wanted to play by the rules (which everyone knew backwards and forwards!), keep the game moving at a surprisingly fast clip and they had no room for slackers or the hard of hearing/seeing/understanding!
Like many older people they also seemed to like all the routines inherent in the game and didn't appreciate anyone deviating from them one little lick. So, after winning the previous round a fella suggested a new way to play the next round (that's your perrrogative when you win is to call the next game). I thought there might be violence. People were visibly upset and cranky. There were some mean spirited comments made and more than a few faces scrunched up in frustration and anger. Fortunately, the 18 year old easy going guy that calls the game helped them navigate this turbulence with patience, a great sense of humor and a genuine appreciation for their struggles.
In telling this story to a friend, she suggested bingo protective gear. You know, like helmuts and mouth guards just in case!!!

New Terminology

In future blog installments I've decided to replace the words Alzheimers and Dementia with swimmy-headed! To me, it's a good way to loosen up and lighten up the whole kitten-kaboodle. Just imagine if while President Reagen had been alive the media had referred to his mental condition as swimmy-headedness instead of Alzheimers? See what I mean!!!

Happy Yellow Month!

Several years ago my friend, Morgan, and I dubbed February: "yellow month."
Wild mustard, daffodils and acacia trees all bloom here in northern California and it's a beautiful yellow sight!

Stinging Nettles

For reasons I don't understand, I have been hesitant to share this story. But now, for reasons I don't understand, I will!!!
There is a window of time in late April to mid May when I go and harvest stinging nettles. When collecting nettles it is good to wear long pants and long sleeves along with leather gloves because the plant does "sting." Though not terribly painful it is unpleasant and can last up to several days. People actually used to intentionally sting themselves to help relieve the pain of arthritis I think it was.
Nettles like moist environments and does really well in partial shade. I found a beauty-full creek beside which grows big bunches of nettles. It's such a lovely experience to listen to the water and the birds...to watch the dappled light play on the plants and make the water sparkly...and to bask in the deeper quiet. I always look forward to this adventure.
For those of you outside of northern california this may seem odd, but before I collect wild plants I like to sit with them and listen to the best of my ability (I certainly don't think of myself as a plant whisperer...but I do have honest intentions) Anyways, that day I parked myself right next to some nettles and just "listened."
What I "heard" was that I was to touch the plant bare handed! So, I gingerly began touching one of the leaves, expecting to feel that sting. But it never happened. I continued touching the leaves more contact-fully as my fear of being stung subsided. My mind really couldn't believe what was happening. I could feel my circuits blowing one after the other. It made no rational sense. At a certain point, I stopped touching the plant and just sat quietly. After a bit, I "heard" that I was to touch the plant again. As soon as I made contact with the leaf, I burst into tears and had a big, deep cry. For in that moment I realized in such a profound way that "REALITY" is what we believe it to be...that truth permeated every atom, every cell of my being and I was, for a moment, set free.

Alzheimers?!!!

During conversation today my 92 year old friend occasionally would have trouble remembering a word here and there (a daily occurance in my world!)
She earnestly asked me if I thought she was getting Alzheimers and I answered truthfully: "no."
Then she looks me right in the eyeballs and says: "are you lying?"
I know I should have taken the question seriously, but I just started cracking up and shaking my head no...which got her tickled and soon enough it didn't matter!

Insect Booty!

"In an unusually bold step for invertebrate taxonomy, an Australian insect with a golden tuchus has just been officially named after pop singer Beyonce Knowles, also widely recognized as possessing first rate glutei maximi."

Center for Biological Diversity

it's reassuring to know that it takes more than just money to have something named after you. i'm sending the "shallow and proud" bumper sticker to this scientist!

Connected

photo by Gina Kelly

                                                           

Woody's newest friends

Woody went on vaca with me. he was a good traveling companion...no car sickness, infrequent need to stop for pee breaks and he was a decent navigator. he is also a gregarious fella and seemed to make new friends quite easily.

he appreciated the fact that the first two friends were quiet individuals, happy just to hang out and watch life together. tigger, on the other hand, wore woody out with his enthusiasm and bouncing!!!

My Dad!

i believe i've probably mentioned in some previous entry that my dad is a guy with a really good sense of humor. he's gifted in that department! sometimes i like to share his stories.
he told this particular story to my sister this morning and it went like this:
my mom had to have that eye procedure done where they lifted her eyelids because they were impairing her vision. she had that done yesterday. my dad went with her this a.m. so that the doctor could check on things. when they went, my dad stayed about 10 ft. or so behind my mom so that it appeared they were not together. i guess my mom's face was really swollen and bruised...looked as if either she'd been in an accident or someone had whupped up on her head. my dad didn't want anyone thinkin' he had ANYTHING to do with the situation, hence the 10 ft.!!!

and another good one goes like this:
my dad is hard of hearing but refuses to wear his hearing aids. he and my mom were having a conversation and my dad's response to something my mom said was: "you're pregnant?" of course my mom fell out and then my dad followed suit. after telling me the story he's says: "i wasn't trying to be funny or anything. i really thought that's what your mother said!" Then he adds: "i know i'm a little hard of hearing but your mother mumbles!!!" Then i fell out!

the apple does not fall far from the tree, i might add. while on the phone with my sis this morning she said: "the rot people are here checking under the house." in my mind i am wondering why on a wet, stormy day she has people crawling around under her house looking for rot. so, i say to her: "you've got rot under your house?" there is a pregnant pause and she says: "rats." but i swear that again it sounded like rot so i say back to her as if SHE is hard of hearing: "rot?" all i heard was: "oh my god, i am calling dad to tell him about this!!" i know my hearing isn't as good as it used to be but if you'd heard her you would have thought she said rot, too!

bumper sticker

Today my gayboy friend (dougo, who by the way looks FABULOUS in a pink tutu) and i came up with a phrase that we thought had good bumper sticker potential:

shallow and proud!!

we were amongst a mixed group of peeps and one of the older men was earnestly and seriously recomending to a younger man that he read men's health magazine because of the intelligent and useful content. the older fella also mentioned that his wife read women's health for the same reasons. my friend and i laughed as we agreed we'd just as soon look at the pretty pictures!!!

Sweetness

While hangin' out with my 4 y.o. buddy today he said while rubbing his eye: "my eye is not feeling well."
I said I was sorry to hear that and asked him what was wrong with it? He responded with: "it's feeling winky."

Ponderable

suppose we are already home and this is what home looks like.
suppose we are not lost and that we are never lost, really.
suppose we are in promise to love one another as is, no matter what, and that is our fundamental nature.
suppose we have gotten who we are, and forgotten.
suppose every upset is a call to come home, to be home, to be at home.
suppose everything we don't like and everything we do like equally point us homeward.
suppose we really do matter to one another.
suppose my life is yours, yours mine.
suppose i give my life to you.


from: All Sickness Is Home Sickness

Free Advice!

i don't like to use the word "never" very often. however, there is one occasion when i think it is appropriate. here goes...(this applies to peeps of a certain age!) NEVER, under any circumstances, look in the mirror with your magnifiers on. don't do it. especially if you are on the inconsolable end of the hormonal spectrum. it will be bad for you and everyone in your orbit...and may take a long, long time to get over!!!

What's A Girl To Do?

Today a beauty-full woman offered me her very handsome horse...
I was so flustered that I told her I would ponder the question and let her know.
Always wanted a horse...and he's a big ol love bucket of a fella ;)
I guess it's good to specify the species when requesting a relationship from the universe, huh?!

The Sometimes Funny Truth

A few weeks before the holidays I was visiting with my 93 year old friend. When I  walked in the door she was in the middle of writing her holiday cards and said: "I am NOT doing this again next year."
I let it go for the moment but later as we were walking I said: " Are you not going to write cards next year b/c you don't want to or b/c you won't be around?" She answered: "Both" and we just fell out!!!

Style! (or lack of!!!)

one of the big reasons i love and appreciate the small town in which i live is that one can wear or do just about anything and nobody looks twice. once i wore my flannel nightgown out to dinner!
however, after visiting a small village in northern new mexico, i think they might have us beat in the style department. there were more bed heads there per capita than i am accustomed to seeing anywhere and many peeps looked like they might have just rolled out of the bed. anyone looking spiffy would not only stick out like a sore thumb but would also be suspect! all this lends itself to a certain kind of charm.

Crack Up!

I saw this sign in a store recently and it cracked me right up:

"Unaccompanied minors will be given a shot of espresso and a free puppy to take home!!!"

Communion

                        Dixie and Tigger in "conversation."

Psychotic Reading

While in Flagstaff I had the unusual good fortune of receiving a "reading" from a very color-full channeler who mostly just laughed.
However, her one prediction was that i would be getting into a relationship with a very wealthy person.